• Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables for you while you chop.
  
• Avoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
  
• For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes! Thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer to avoid a fatal outcome.
  
• A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
  
• If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.
  
• Most of the time, you will only need to two tools in life: WD-40 and Duct tape.
  Remeber theses simple rules: If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40; if it
  shouldn't move and does, use the Duct tape.
  
• For more complicated projects: If you can't fix it with a hammer , you're got an electrical problem!

Labels: humor